Words.

First of all, let me tell you how much i absolutely love this asian. And this quote is one I now live by. Yeah shit happens and it sucks but you're here, you made it far enough to bitch about it. get it out of your system and move the fuck on. tomorrow isn't promised so dont waste today focusing on yesterday. because THAT will just make you stay in the crappy place you are.

day one of two of heaven.

[ i found this on the net, i didn't take it or make it] So it is officially the last day of March...and it's Saturday. which i love with every ounce of my being. lol. I slept a good ten hours last night & it was both awesome and completely unnecessary. :) I took a light night trip to walmart with tiff and her mom ; and of course the troll was at her house ... haha... so i peaced the hell out when we got back. i'm not in a place to deal with douche bags. i just don't get how she wants to surround herself with that; but whatever. not my chair, not my problem. I really need to clean; infact that is exactly what i should be doing. ..... yeah..... uhhh....hahahaha. Tomorrow is my nephew Ian's second birthday; I'm not sure if i'll go to the party or not. we'll see. ugh. i hate awkward social situations. and they have super shitty friends. which is really sad. Lastnight I bought some lean cuisines for lunches at work. Gonna try to get my calorie intake down and start exercising. I wanna feel good about myself; Me and Sally [a new coworker] are gonna do a seven day trial to anytime fitness. if i like it i might join. so what if i gotta go by myself.. gotta do what's best for me. Cause' Lord knows if I wait for someone else to be there to help me, to motivate me, it won't happen. no more nice Deezy. B) xoxox, Deezy.

guns'n'babies--crazy car crashes--and wierd dreams.

So this really does deserve an entry all it's own. promise; So a couple of days ago I heard about this three year old child, left unattended in his mothers car [and a 6mo old sibling] .. he found her boyfriends gun underneath the drivers seat and shot himself. .. how the hell do you let that happen? I know mistakes happen..everyday. But that was so avoidable in so many ways. I just can't make myself comprehend. Hell, why have it loaded. Was the safety on? why didn't you have it locked in the glove box? and why did you leave a three year old and a practically newborn child unattended in a vehicle?! Honestly; you deserve to get time...for being so stupid. for being so careless with such a precious gift. how breathtakingly pitiful. OH and then yesterday! i was driving to go pick up donuts..yes i am that fat. haha. anyway so not the point.... FOCUSING NOWW! So i'm driving south bound on the highway and on the north bound side I see the most horrific crash scene i've seen ..ever. There was a small car laying completely crushed underneath a Expedition. The car was facing north and the SUV south. Apparently, under the influence, the SUV [carrying 5 passengers] went the wrong direction from a turn lane and went head first into oncoming traffic. ..where he collided and drove over one middle aged woman in her small vehicle. she was sadly killed while the five morons only sustained minor injuries. I do like to drink; BUT I drink where I sleep or I have a DD that I can trust...pure stupidity and carelessness killed that woman... my heart breaks for her family. and my prayers are with them all. _______________________________________________ so dream one involved me being abducted and held hostage; i did kick some serious a double s. let me tell you. i scratched and clawed, hit and spit, kicked and screamed...and it all ended with me running, bleeding, through and orange grove. i woke up covered in sweat. then there was dream two, which was a result of me reading that they're making a new chucky movie. .. i dreamed that he was terrorizing me and the entire time i was asleep i was thinking "this is a mofo'n doll why am i running and not lighting him on fire...wth!" hahahahaha. anyway, it's been a hard week. crazy shit has happened and i'm exhausted. xoxox, Deezy.

Wasteland.

This is my favorite band of the month really. hahaha. I have yet to hear anything bad by them; they're good with lyrics like default. Just more edge to the music part. Going a town over for work went okay today; boring really. and weird. hahaha.

It's Friday Son!

It seems like this week has taken forever to be over. That bitch was like titanic. .. and i was poor Leo hoping that bitch would share her piece of wood! mwahahaha. Well, tonight i plan to finish cleaning and go for a walk...and do nothing else! saturday night me and one of my best friends are gonna have a nachos, movies, and Bacardi zombie's night! cheaaa. haha the things i look forward to.

bahaha love this!

I want a man who can understand this...
who can love me even when i push back..
who can love me at my craziest and my most depressed..
a man who will stay, no matter what life throws our way...

would be nice..

Today was a bad day; I started to feel a panic attack coming on and luckily was able to calm myself. But if it continues I'll have to go see Jo again and have her adjust my meds. can't go through this shit again. the chest pain scares me too bad.
plus i dont really have the cash for health shit.
lol.
I feel so alone and isolated again, thankgod for my long distance best friend, she's always there no matter what and I couldn't possible tell her how much it means. It's funny how you learn who's "ride or die" as they say and who's not.

good shit to know.

anyway- tomorrow I go to another town to work for the first time since I started my new job. So should be interesting; I'm sure she'll be just as nice as everyone else i've met. Seems to be a company trait. . . which is awesome.

waiting on my tax return to come in so I can have A/C in my car again. wooooo.

well, vampire diaries is on tonight ;D Damon is mann gah.

xoxox,
Deezy

bye bye tax return...

so my awesome brother found out that my clutch is bad in my car...three hundred buckarooooons. :[ crappay. but at least i dont really have to pay labor. that's a blessing in itself.

today was super long and busy at work, i came home and super crashed. almost three hours hahaha. can't help it lately. so tired all the time.

It was nice to be working again; feeling more normal.
tomorrow i really do have to do stuff after work. gah.

post office to mail my car payment is the first...
then cleaning.

xoxoxox,
Deezy.

day by day.

i spent the day with my family; had some good healing time. i'm back to the grind tomorrow. :o) which i guess is good; gotta snap back to reality. in a way im glad Pops didnt want a service or anything. it kindof lets you heal on your own which is my preferred method lol.
my car is at the shop ; tomorrow hopefully it'll get the work it needs done. cross your fingers. i really hope my brother can work his magic and fix it! haha.
i finally filed my taxes, can't wait to get what small amount i do get back! As long as my car doesn't rob me of it, i'm putting alot of it towards bills..getting my credit cards payed off..that way in a few months I can hopefully buy a new car!

anyway im too tired to write much more.




xoxox,
Deezy.

monday.

[photo by tiffani daniel, copywrited]

I went into work today and luckily my boss let me go home. Didn't even clock in. I really just didn't feel like being there; probably wont for a while..but i'm back on my grind tomorrow.
This weekend was one of the longest i've ever had, and not in a good way. I hate how bad change can just make you ill. Everything feels hollow :/ sucks.

today we're going to the funeral home to arrange everything for my grandfather. :S

xoxox ,
deezy.

you may be gone from this earth, but you will never leave my heart.

knowing you made me a better person.

ily and imy.

Yesterday after a very long day of work i came home to hurry up and drive fifty miles to a honda dealership to pick up a car part for my A/C. Needless to say my brother, who thank God is a mechanic, says it's an electrical problem so the poor guy is gonna take my dash out and look for it. best brother of life. i tell you.

anyway i came home to heart breaking news; my 83 year old grandfather who made it 2 years past his life expectancy [he has terminal esophageal and stomach cancer, which has spread through pretty much his entire body] ..well he's in his final days...hospice is now at the home every day; he's receiving liquid morphine by mouth. he can barely talk, breath, or move. I hugged him last night and felt every vertebra in his back. he is so frail...it breaks my heart completely.

He is the man that made my father and my family what it is; my father would not be who he is without pops. And in correlation i wouldn't be who i am. He taught my dad to be the strongest man i've ever met, more caring and giving and honest, with an unshakable faith in God. He has been dirt poor all of his life, working in cotton field, orange groves, etc...he made literally coins a day and supported eight children, all of which are extraordinary people. they all inherited his qualities. the Earth will truly be a little worse off when he's gone.
He was married to his wife for almost seventy years. He tells her she's beautiful and that he loves her, every morning...even though she no longer really knows who anyone is. Watching them both deteriorate over the last couple of years has been heart wrenching...but some how him not being here at all just is kind of unbearable.

if you stumble across my page please say a small prayer for my family, i realize you have no idea who i am...and you have no reason to pray..but if you could i would sincerely appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

xoxoxox,
Deezy.

My to do list for the weekend.

billlllls.
then buy a car molding part for my honda boxxx ;D
then i'm gonna sand down my antique dresser and repaint it. :D


oh && me and one of my best friends tiff, we're gonna do pics..this is one we took not too long ago: she's so talented...

Lemme Preach!

im not sure why girls keep telling the world they are in and out of a relationship. facebook has a "complicated" button, use the damn thing. or just leave it one way or the other. especially when its with the same person. like seriously!?

i've just never been the girl that has needed a man to validate my being. i live for me, i live for my family, my friends, and if i meet someone who can be apart of my life without making me a completely needy female, then i'll date.

i'm not dealing with drama or useless crap.

ijs, it bothers me to see all these girls putting the worth of their lives all upon who they're dating ...and you can't be "in love" with every guy you meet. damn.

xoxoxox,
deezy.

recommend. . .

Eucerine face lotion is awesome. it has a good spf. i usually mix it with my foundation...


This is a skin balancing lotion, i use it every day. after about a minute there is literally no grease feel. it leaves a clean fragrance and is awesome!


This is Palmers. I usually hate cocoa butter products because they're too greasy.. but a friend of mine convinced me to try it; and i love it. the smell is awesome and after a few minutes the greasy feeling goes away i usually put it on in the morning on my feet before i put my socks on. also, i'm a woman, i have stretch marks...okay! lol. it really does work. :)

heyy gurrl heyy!

so this is yours truly. I'm 21 and currently working for a hospital with several different facilities, i'm kindof the catchall. i do everything. lol. so far i love it-so much better than retail hell. trust me, you'll hear more about that later :)

i still live at home, which is fine by me. i still do what i want, when i want. and my mom still cooks me dinner. i'm pretty sure that makes me a BOSS. B] aww yeah.
Eventually i want to go back to school to be an ultrasound tech. just dont have the cash for it atm. we'll see where life takes me...

right now it's all about enjoying things i love with the people i love. and just having fun. the last two years have been really hard, but i'm not whining. it gave me the tough skin i needed to be where i am now. no matter what life throws at me, i'm not backing down..

xoxoxox,
Deezy.