..& i'm the one whose bi-polar?

I know i've been off my kilter lately,
 but ive been honest every step of the way. 

I thought you said you'd do the same,

one day its good, 

 the next day you're a hundred miles away..

i'm not sure that i can handle it this way.

i'm not sure i can manage this,

i'm grasping at fibers of straws. 
while you seem to say i'm the one pulling away... 

poem by Wanda M. Tomblin;

Photo is by an unknown artist.

Going to try..

I heard about taking all natural apple cider vinegar as a dietary supplement. 2tspn's a day ; it will help balance your body's PH..which will help the skin, digestive system, etc. I'm also going to look into aloe. :)

I'll let you know the results and post pictures of the actual products themselves.

Also probably going to order some Clinique products. I'll keep you posted. 

Check this blog out! :::dixie belle of tennessee: Love Letters

dixie belle of tennessee: Love Letters: So I've been watching Ghost Hunters today, and there was an episode about the Edgewood Plantation, which is located in Virginia. There was s...

THIS!

liquid thought.

poem by Wanda Tomblin. 
I wish my skin felt like home
Like my breath felt like my own.
Like the water wasn't so dark,
Like the fire not so hot.
As I try to break the surface I realize it is made of the thickest of ice...
but I dont panic I take comfort in the fact that I might never breath the air,
that this deep, dark water will be all i ever breath,
because it's all i've ever known.
In a way it's the most dangerous type of safe.
a home within a hell.
a captured inhabitant that will die within it's shell. 

I did not take this photo and i'm not 

the subject; i do not give nor take

credit for it. However, I do give 

kudos for whoever is the artist. I 

Love it! :D

call me...maybe!

<-Pops.


The truth is when people say, you never know how much you will miss someone until they're gone..yeah that's just bull. I knew with Pops that my heart would never be the same, I got the magnitude wrong..but I got the gist of it down. I know this about a few people. Don't underestimate the depth of the human soul. It's more than you realize.

Today was okay; I'm still going through it emotionally, but taking it one day at a time. I feel so  broken. I hate it. I'm going to put the pieces back..it's just going to take time and hard work.

Until tomorrow.
xoxox,
Deezy.

PS...BEKKA, write a damn blog entry...

k. call me! ..maybe ;)

to be that damn stupid.

I really can't comprehend how it's possible

Le Fishy.

A couple nights ago we went fishing [me, tiff, the fag, and tiffs mom]. All put together we caught like fourteen i think. I caught three. That one there, he was my biggest :) Was thrilled with it. I did however manage to break one of Mr. Donny's poles. :S oops! lol.
I got some warrior mark mosquito bites to show for it and a few memories i would rather not have. The fag, aka tiffs boyfriend, threw a tantrum while we were there. It was pretty damn ridiculous. ugh. It just never ends.

Day cuatro of my new meds is eh. Still headachy and junk. Still tired as hell. But whatever. Giving up on Senior Nick. And putting him in the same category as every other guy lololol.

anyway ttfn.

xoxox,
Deezy.

Boys.Brains.and Books.

The last few weeks have been a kind of whirl wind that i'm not sure I could fully explain if I wanted to; So many mixed emotions and frustrations. I met this guy, Nick, through a mutual friend, er, one of my best friends boy friends really. And at first I thought he was a slam dunk in the good guy department..but lately it's starting to feel like he's going to turn out to be just. like. every. other. douche. bag. lol. I was honest to him about some of my "issues", the ones i'm not honest to many people about..and that's when he started acting weird. And now i'm not sure if I even want him around...i'm not sure what I want at all anymore.

I feel like i'm nowhere. Jo, my shrinkadink diagnosed me bipolar this past week. She started me on a mood stabilizer, and i've prayed every moment of every day that it offers me some relief. I don't want this to define anymore of my life than it already has. And I feel so ready to start my life, it's so frustrating. For people who have never gone through a mental disorder or anxiety or anything, consider yourself blessed and favored. It's truly crippling.

Work is going good still, i'm so very blessed. I couldn't be happier. I'm really going to try to start excercising again...it may kill me but I have to try. I feel so gross and just blobby. And I want to start crafting again and maybe selling things. So hopefully soon!!

Also i'm currently reading the fifty shades of grey trilogy. which im sure i dont really need to explain ;) oh baby. it is good. i'm not normally a romance/fantasy reader but it is a sweet story line with some sexy tid bits in thurrr. give it a whirl.


XOXOX
Deezy.

There's nothing I have left to say
Some strings are better left to fray

brick wall?

So i've always had this gift for being able to read people and figure them out; but wtf. Finally found someone I can't read which is kindof what makes me interested..that's probably wrong..to be interested because I can't get behind the brick wall.

Ugh.

XOXOX,
Deezy.